Parenting For Dummies
If you don’t make your children mass produce copies of Keith Haring’s works, they will rot in Hell next to you. If you don’t force your children to hand-pick and eat Brussels sprouts four times a day, they will rot in Hell next to you. If you don’t have a monthly viewing of the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex-tape for your children, they will rot in Hell next to you. ...
Sometimes I over think.
I'm getting drunk.
Hip hip hooray!
Anonymous asked: what do you like about san marcos? i have a love/hate relationship with this place
somesaysheise asked: You often mention things you want in a girl, but they seem to be in jest (maybe they're not, oops). Anyway, what is it that you really want in a girl that you date?
I have a small dent on my forehead where my hairline begins. I better not go bald. Anyway, go ahead and ask me any question(s) you want today. Anon is on and questions will be published.
I'm eating Cap'n Crunch Berries with peanut butter...
Bring broke is like being a 5-year-old when it comes to meals.
NEW UNRELEASED SONG BY ME LIVE SESSION WOO →
Listen to this song that Connor Oakley stole from me. Can’t anyone respect a Creative Commons license? Just kidding. Check his new song out, though.
Here's some fun facts.
1. I have been overwhelmed with laziness lately. 2. I’m going to stop drinking for a little bit. My body needs rest. 3. I love horror movies, but I have never seen The Grudge or the original version. 4. I hate folding clothes when I’m not at work. 5. I was in a joke male beauty pageant at my high school. I think I was in the top three. 6. I don’t think I would ever have sex...
I whine a lot on here.
That’s because I’m an overly entitled, white, liberal, agnostic college kid who likes the arts.
I just want someone to cook for me.
Just one meal. Please.
My life has become pretty routine.
My days either go: TV, work, TV, drink Or: TV, river, drink
I'm moving to Hollywood to become an actor.
JK. Me not stupid.
Remember when Tony Soprano Jr. went through an...
Fucklulz. They’re nothing like that.
Sam Malone as portrayed by Tedbosses
I need to find a printer to print off my resume. I might have found a second job, albeit as a bus boy. If I show my worth and get a TABC certification, I could become a bartender. I will not date the Diane, though. We all know how that worked out…
I picked up a job application from a smoke shop...
After I learned all about “water pipes” and the different types of parts, I thought, “Where am I trying to go with my life?”
High school sucked, but growing up is even worse.
Around this time two years ago, I was excited about college. Around this time last year, I was missing college. Now, I’m just like, “Fuck.”
I either need a second job or more hours.
I’m going to be way too broke this summer. I can either go out to eat or go to the movies—not including the $0.50 Tuesday special at the dollar theater—once every other week. I can get a cheap bottle of wine or some cheap beer once or twice a week. I can buy enough gas to make it to work and back 8 times in two weeks with enough left to drive myself somewhere twice. I can buy...
Remember the days of Xeroxing nudes and faxing...
I don’t even know if that ever happened. I was too young.
I grilled food for a bunch of my friends on...
And no one had the courtesy to post a picture of me on Instagram. Some kind of friends I have….
My roommate with the Xbox and a Netflix account...
Now my roommates want to use my computer and Netflix to watch Psych… I FUCKING HATE PSYCH.
My mom ignored my phone call.
She’s either at the movies, the spa, or I really fucked up recently.
I really want a martini.
It’s been a while.
Why can't I find a girl that would be down to just...
You would think a woman like that would be easy to find.
semiqualifiedpilot asked: wanna make out?
I threw up in my friend's living room last night.
I had been drinking, but not very much. I was probably on beer number 8 or 9. I don’t know what happened. Mid sentence vomit projected from my mouth. I looked like a broken fire hydrant. Not to mention the fact that a little bit of the throw up got on the arm of a wo that slept with me for a while. I looked like a chump to everyone who hasn’t drank with me before.
Beer and Breakfast
My friends got a keg last night. We drank from it. We then went to Embassy Suites for a free continental breakfast. College…
Who is the person who wanted to buy a painting of...
If you’re interested in my art, don’t hide behind an anom. Talk to me, and let’s see what we can work out.
Why am I awake? I don't understand.
I might as well start the day. Also, the semester is over for me after I take my 11:00 final. After that, no more sober cigarettes. I will start drinking early, though.
I haven't posted since Thursday because I really...
On Friday night, my buddy Barrett and I decided to do a 24-hour drinking challenge (stay drunk for 24+ hours). We did it, but I ended up falling asleep because the exhaustion finally got to me. I did stand-up last night. Mostly all one-liners. It was fun. I have a final tomorrow, so I’m going to be studying today. Yay.
My funeral better be a celebration of my life, not...
I want there to be beer and tequila. I want ska, hardcore, surf, and 90s alternative music playing. I want people to talk about art in all forms (except dance because I’m not Nietzsche). If you don’t get that reference, come to my funeral any way. If it’s cold, I want a fire. If it’s warm, I want the San Marcos river or Panama City Beach. There are nicer places, but...
I hate Psych but I'm too lazy to turn the...
Anyone want to spoon?
I have my first final today.
I’m not excited.
Anonymous asked: What if I send you a bottle of tequilla for a piece of art?
Anonymous asked: Is there anyone you wish you would've pursued? "The one that got away" kind?
Anonymous asked: How much are you selling your work for? (Specifically the Shinto god with the rabbit head)
Don't buy acid and expect to get acid.
Yesterday was my dead day for school. No class at all so people can prepare for finals. My only final isn’t until May 7th, so I decided that I could trip on acid with a friend of mine for our first times. Turns out that I ended up getting 2C-I. One of my good friends sold it to me, knowing that it wasn’t acid, but it was still fun. 2C-I is very similar to acid, just less visual. ...
I sometimes find myself asking, “What would David Cross do?”
Anonymous asked: why don't you smoke weed?
Corgis are not that cute.
Hasn’t anyone seen a picture of me?